Thinking of You
by AvalonCelticQueen
Summary: Post Series 3. The story behind the alliance between Camelot's Lord Protector, and Camelot's only true threat, Morgana.


**Thinking of You**  
>'I'm dying, Morgana.'<p>

Morgana felt her own heart stop beating as she stared at her sister on the bed. She took in her sister's mutilated face, the scars down the right side, her one glazed eye, but she couldn't understand the news. Dying?

'No, no Morgause.' She took Morgause's hands in her own, panicked, as she sat beside her. on the bed. The castle room was freezing, Morgana could see her breath rising in front of her like dragon's snarl, but furs piled high around Morgause's weak figure, a desperate attempt to keep her safe from any more weakening. But, now, that was all for waste. 'You can't be. You can't...'

'You can't deny it, sister,' Morgause replied, her cracked whisper a clear contrast to her once sultry tones.

'But I've tried so hard, so hard...' Morgana felt a tear slip down her pale cheek and Morgause leant up slightly to wipe the tear away gently. Even doing this, however slight, she felt herself wince in the sudden pain down her side.

'You can't blame yourself, sister. None of this was ever, ever your fault.' Morgause tried to smile but the effort was evident in her eyes. Morgana didn't miss it. She felt the weight on her heart suddenly increase, watching Morgause struggle. 'I know how hard you've been working this past 6 months, I know how much care...' Another caress of the cheek, ' I know how much care you've been putting into your work.'

'Caring for you is never work.' Morgana placed her hand over Morgause's quickly, eager to shake any thoughts from Morgause's mind. 'I want you to get better, Morgause. I need you to get better.'

'Yet I have little time left in this world,' Morgause sighed. She raised her chestnut eyes slowly to meet Morgana's distant gaze. She could feel her own heart breaking as she spoke, 'Which is why you will need a new ally in the war against our enemies.'

'I don't need an ally, I am strong enough.' Morgana wanted to scream but felt herself sitting up dignified, hopefully brave.

Morgause looked up into Morgana's defiant face. 'You forget, sister, that you are no longer Uther's loving ward; you no longer possess the ability to wander around Camelot as you choose. You need an ally.'

'And you think you can find an ally who can do that?' Morgana asked, mockingly. She noted the hurt in Morgause's eyes at her sudden tone, but all she could feel was her life tumbling around her feet.

'No sister, I do not think.' Morgause felt herself smirk slightly, though her once attractive movement appeared almost grotesque on her scarred visage. 'I know.'

'You have an ally in Camelot? How?'

'I have found you an ally within the city walls. He will turn traitor against our enemies within seconds.'

Morgana stood from the bed, and walked over to the window. She could focus on nothing, not the winter coated fields outside or the barren trees, all she could feel was her heart pounding and her head spinning with thoughts of her own despair. 'And if you're wrong? If this ally will not turn traitor? Then you've handed me into the Knights of Camelot, I will be killed and our cause lost.' She turned despairingly to Morgause's frail frame. 'How can I trust someone with my life like that?'

'Because you know I would never risk your life like that, sister.' Morgause held her arm out, motioning helplessly for Morgana to return to her. Morgana noted the mess of golden locks around her pale face, the crestfallen look in her eyes, a look she'd only found Morgause was possible of having in the past few months, as she lost her strength, what had originally united the couple. Morgana sat beside her once more, cradling Morgause's cold hand in her emeral velvet lap.

'So, who is this traitor? This ally?'

'The Lord Agravaine.'

Morgana's eyes widened at his name and she shook her head manically, her ebony hair falling like a cascade across her face. 'No! He wouldn't? He is Arthur's uncle, the King's brother in law! He would never risk it all by turning traitor!'

'But you forget, Morgana, he was the Queen's brother, and we all know who was responsible for her death.' She was caressing Morgana's cheek again, calming her down, a method she'd found effective originally through soothing Morgana through her nightmares, those too strong for the healing bracelet alone. 'He is the perfect ally. Motivated by revenge, grieving for his sister, manipulative, sneaky and, above all, a man.'

'I don't understand...'

'Men are predictable, egotistical and will risk everything for just one thing,' Morgause explained before leaning in. 'You must promise him everything, give him little, yet remain confident in his loyalty. For a man will always be loyal to someone like you...'

'I don't think I can...' Morgana felt herself stammer. 'I know him, I've known him since I was a young girl, to do that...'

'No sister.' Morgause grabbed Morgana's hand. 'You do nothing other than insinuate.'

'Use him? As nothing more than a weapon? A tool?' Morgana's eyes darkened. 'He was practically my Uncle. He would visit every Winter, treat me just as he treated Arthur. I could never deceive him.'

'And no doubt he paid you every last inch of attention? Maybe treated you better than Arthur in recent years? Got you beautiful gifts and trinkets...?' Morgause's eyes were glinting wickedly, a look Morgana hadn't seen since their overthrow of Camelot. 'He isn't your Uncle, Morgana, and both of you have lost to Uther. An alliance, for both of you, could only be a benefit.'

'You'd have me treat him as you did Cenred.' Morgana meant her comment spitefully, but all it could inspire in Morgause was a sense of pride, both in her teaching and Morgana's quick wit.

Morgause tried hard to smooth her voice, but only achieved an essesnce of her silky tones. 'Exactly, let him be your Cenred. Call him your lord, yet treat him as your servant. Be his lady, but let him see you as his Queen. He will worship you...just as I do.'

Morgana felt her eyes well up again, the emerald orbs clouded in her emotion. 'But you needed to do more for Cenred, surely?'

'No,' Morgause said slyly. 'I could promise him power, which was enough for him...'

'That won't be enough for Agravaine, I know him.' Morgana bit her lip. 'He could take Camelot anytime, take it from weak Uther. He has been the Lord Protector for months, after all. He could make it stronger.'

'Which he will do with you,' Morgause comforted her, trying to raise herself up, but succeeding in only making herself gasp in agony. She sunk down in the bed again, her jaw clenched. After a few minutes, she opened her eyes once more, but her voice was weaker than before. 'But you will need to give him more, never what he wants, but more.'

Morgause's sudden weakness made Morgana panic, an edge of hysteria to her gentle tones, her eyes flooding with salty tears. 'I can't do this, Morgause...not without you...'

Morgause motioned for her to lie next to her, putting her arms around her waist as she did so. Leaning up slightly, she whispered, 'Just think of me, think of us, Morgana.'

* * *

><p>And as much as she protested, she became exactly what Morgause told her to be. He became her Lord, but she became his Queen.<p>

Every time he would burst in her hovel with news, no matter how grave, she would refrain from killing him by focusing on her sister's memory. And every time he needed more persuasion and she would feel his rough lips against hers, she could only think of Morgause.


End file.
